Monday, September 27, 2010

Can I be transparent????

To say that I haven't struggled with "our new life" would be the understatement of the year. Almost everyday at some point I think "what in the world are we doing??" I have talked to a few friends who have been in our same situation and they say this is normal....but it doesn't feel normal. I typically adjust very well to new things. I have no problem making friends and I try to make the most of all opportunities but since the day that I have arrived here I have felt SO attacked by s*tan. At least once a day I find my self in tears and wanting to hop on the next plane home. Just as I never in a bazillion years thought G*d would bring us to a foreign country....I never in a bazillion years thought I would feel this way when coming here. I have already been pulled and stretched beyond what I ever thought possible....and boy is it exhausting.
I tell you all of this not because I want sympathy but I want to be transparent. I want you all to know that this is not easy. BUT as I sit in my self pity and wonder if I am going to make it through another 9 months...I am reminded of some Paul's last words to encourage Timothy to persevere.

"But, you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your m*ninstry. For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day--and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:5-7

So....as I daily continue on this journey in K...I know that there will be trials...I know there will be days that I dont want to do this anymore...but I also know that G*d see's the bigger picture and HE has it all under control. A little stretching and pulling never hurt anyone....right!!??!? :) We have no doubt that G*d called us here and that is what keeps us going when we feel like giving up!

*Disclaimer...please do not take this post as being negative towards anyone or anything here. I am just sharing what is on my mind! Love you all!

2 comments:

Marina said...

thank you for your honesty...now we know how to talk to Dad on your behalf. hang in there!! KNOW that all things happen according to his will....he surely could have closed the door and left you here - so he must have a purpose for you being there...for today in your life, or for tomorrow for someone else's. you are brave and honest and honorable for doing what you are, where you are...and someday you'll know "why" he had to bring you there to learn/share... you're in my thoughts!!

fantigrossi said...

Its okay to be feeling that way, and its ok to be transparent about it. I was the same way when i moved to another country a few years ago. Hang in there, I just felt like i needed to say that its absolutely normal and okay to feel that way. It will get better I promise!!!! Lifting you and your family up!